Saturday, December 5, 2009

La Vie En Rose - Louis Armstrong

Hold me close and hold me fast

the magic spell you cast

this is la vie en rose

when you kiss me heaven sighs

and tho I close my eyes

I see La vie en rose.

When you press me to your heart

I'm in a world apart

a world where roses bloom

and when you speak, angels sing from above

everyday words seem to turn into love songs

give your heart and soul to me

and life will always be La vie en rose.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtQuxyByUMk&feature=related ( the songg) GO LISTEN!!
the singing comes after the instrumental part around 1.36 min.

so i've fallen in love with the song, La vie un rose and i am totally smitten. dreamy, enchanting and hauntingly romantic what can you expect? right?? IF only life can forever be sweet just like the name itself " life through rose-tinted glasses " anyway my mood for these few days have not been very stable and i reckon it's because im on pms mode. my Jelly's going to malaysia tomorrow and i asked her to my for me my Cassis Rose!!!! i really really really really hope they have it because sharon told me so. she was applying cassie rose's lotion on MCB lesson & the scent immediately caught my attention HAHAHAH!! maybe i'll ask her to buy for me too when she goes over during this coming holidays. i cant wait for Xmas present exchange with W54N & buffet dinner! :)

i caught myself in action just now... ..
D.Y.K. I.M.Y.SB

Thursday, December 3, 2009

i know there are many obstacles out there, and im trying my best.
but it seems like it's not as easy as i'd thought or make it out to be. maybe i was too naive.

anyway. i feel like a complete asshole right now.

" it's this, it's that, it's this, it's that, it no longer is what i think it is anymore. "

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i didnt manage to sleep properly yesterday night due to XXX reason. i have a feeling that im scaring myself actually, i dont know!! probably i guess because we were talking about paranormal stories with jun and mei chin while doing our ppt yesterday. i think i had a bit too much of that then i couldnt sleep at night. my imagination went WILD. i totally lost control of my mind. it was so freaking RETARDED!!! me was extremely tired mentally and physically and somehow halfway through my sleep i kept jerking myself up it was so sudden and 1st time it happened to my arm, then my legs and the last time i forgot which part of the body i jerked. i swear i thought something was happening then again my powderful imagination might be making me paranoid. and in the end i'd to ask my mama to sleep together with me because sis went for chalet and wont be back till thusday. ohmygod. so embarassing right? * frowns hard * but at least i felt more secured. just now i told mother and she said that she also experienced jerking herself up from sleep. THANK GOD!! i felt so very the relieved the moment she said that. so let's hope tonight i can sleep in peace.

Ps: to my stupid mind "stop being so active and shut down when im trying to rest you IDIOT "

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Finally everything is over and im refering to the god damn PP. I rehearsed a totaly of 6 freaking times to myself before i went for the actual presentation. the "killer" was the gay facilitator, dont give me that innocent look you still look gay and evil to me OKAY! he easily shot me 5 questions while i was presenting and they were linked which means after i answered his question he shot me back again. and i had 10 of them so 10 X 2 = what 20 questions in total?
after which we went to celebrate lunch at Fish & Co with haz, zul and haylie we ate damn alot + my strawberry cheesecake wasnt available so we changed it to newyork cheese cake instead and it is very smooth and creamy :D not to mention sinful. i've sinned so much yesterday that i think i'll be on a straight train to hell tomorow during dance lesson.

Mtv groove is TOMORROW and i cant wait to try out street jazz style!! i hope my bones wont break during warm up under Ryan he is well known for being strict for his warm ups. oh ya i almost forget i came here to do a important thing which is a detox plan for myself till Christmas Day 25th December ... ..

*clears throat * I lim pei xuan swear to abide by my 2 rules as NOT to touch..


1) SWEET STUFFS except Milk or Milo.

2) FRIED/ OILY STUFFS ( they give birth to pimples!! )


and with that i also have a list of things to DO..

- eat more veggies/fruits in school, more more i need moree.. ( umm am i turning into a cow? )

- resume my long lost jogging routine *every weds and saturdays *

- drink plenty of H2O.

not too much to ask for right? lets hope she can get back to that diciplined girl once again. all for the sake of not having the same old new year resolution again this year and to detox till christmas!! GOGOGOO!! :)


" learn to control the situation before it controls you... "

Thursday, November 26, 2009

I was having insomnia yesterday night lots of stuffs were running in my head. i stared into darkness, tossed and turn and all i could do is to wait till my eyelid got heavy and till i had that heavy feeling to be pulled away by the sandman. i received sky's text yesterday about the demise of the father on the way back home and i stood and stare at my cellpone hard. i didnt know whether to believe her anot, i thought it was a prank by her and i wished it really was. but knowing her character from primary school she wouldn't go to these kind of extreme.

after i finished my work at school i went down immediately to visit her and pay my respects to her dad. being alone i didnt went inside to take a sit instead i stood outside waiting for her and suddenly i felt that the color that was in the sky was very colourful, warm and enchanting. it was pretty to be honest and there was a strong breeze of wind it was as if to match up with the pretty sight of the sky and i just stood there dazed. the feeling felt surreal how can i be attending the funeral of her dad when i just saw him not too long ago after our jog? he looked healthy and fit i swear. and shouldnt the sky be a little bit more dull colored to match with the somber atmosphere and the passer bys shouldnt they be a little bit more sympathetic to stop and look what was happening at this area?

when i saw her she was already kneeling down and i almost couldnt recognize her she was totally washed out and her eyes.. i was afraid to approach her and i sensed that she for some reason was also afraid. it seriously pains me so much to see her like this, we have been together since primary school she's my jogging buddy, shopping partner and confidant. she's more cheerful and bubbly than me but she now she's being reduced to such a state. i exchanged a few words with her but i didnt console much i was afraid she will break down and all i told her was to be strong for herself and for her mom. i felt rather helpless when i saw her yet i couldnt do much about it. i stopped myself from giving her a hug because if i did she'd definitely cry and i will follow suit. i think she'd cried enough for now. i just hope that time will heal their wound soon and i'll pray to god to bless her with the strength she needs to overcome this ordeal.

you must stay strong girl. i will be here for you if u need me.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Today at psychology wasn’t good people. There was so much stuffs for us to research on and I was in the midst of juggling something personal and the heavy workload and demanding for attention to the work simply wasn’t helping at all. And all I can say is I feel so very vexed and frustrated right now at this very moment, I don’t know what to do seriously. Just as I wanted to try and clear things up a little bit things just didn’t work out I am very disappointed with myself also actually. It is like im unable to go either left nor right direction due to many many complications on this issue itself.

I am literally stuck in the MIDDLE.

Would any one reading this post is able to fully comprehend whatever shit I’m trying to say? And all I can count on is myself can you imagine the amount of fucking stress that is on me whenever I try to resolve this? There is so much factors to consider before I can come up with something in my mind. People please don’t assume or think that you know what I’m talking about, I don’t want more misunderstandings to happen I think I had enough. The more I push myself or when I feel pressurized the more unstable I become. Somehow I’m already starting to be unstable and I don’t want this to continue.

If only there wasn’t so much complications to begin with, maybe I would have found it easier.

it's the 1st time in my life it got so bad.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

i've been thinking alot these past few days. thinking about it when im lying on my bed before going to sleep, when im stoning, when having lunch.. it's always stuck in my mind. sometimes i get so drained out after thinking about it, ill be at a complete loss at what to do and the feeling of hopelessness sinks in which is the after effect. i know you all will be thinking what the hell am i thinking about what is so big an issue?? sometimes i also wished that i can control my brain by hitting the " STOP" button. but it just can't be controlled. don't you just hate it when your heart and brain dont agree with each other? it's like the tension of the opposites. i know time will tell everything but maybe by then it will be a whole different story.
What's all these i simply dont get it.

IF there already is an answer within me. i hope everything will stop being a bitch soon.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Maybe a holiday or a break will do me good in sorting them out.
i believe in the saying " Absence makes the heart grows fonder ".
dont over do it too much if not the sparks will be gone.

Ps : give time a chance for it to happen.

Monday, November 16, 2009

i thought i knew myself but now somehow it's not so clear anymore
to make matters worst, it wasnt even clear to begin with.
why is it that i just can't figure it out? god damn it.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

im in school MCB today and my beloved neeyor bose facilitator gave me a freaking C despite commenting that ive presented really well on 3rd presentation, she claimed that i was
uncharacteristically silent during the first 2 meetings. and px is so very freaking pissed. firstly to begin with the reason for me not contributing much was because of the fact that all the rest of the points were snapped up by the rest of my team mates all that needed to be said and explained was done before i could open my fucking mouth to contribute. so tell me, am i suppose to parrot and repeat all those points that was already said? it's not that i love to lament or whatsoever but i seriously feel that i wasn't in much wrong, 1 guy friend who's in my team got A( im not pissed with him getting a A this is directing at the faci ) while i got a freaking C but both of us didnt speak much during the day. whoever who is reading this try putting yourself in my shoes. can i not be FUCKING PISSED? i dont think much needs to be explained she is SO biased againstme. period.

sigh. i think that im a complete different person when im seriously upset. i know that i might do things that will shock most people if they dont know me well enough. i've a tendency to just rupture when people console me in the wrong way. i simply just cant control myself and it always ends up me being even more upset.
next time when i get really seriously pissed off please stay away and let me cool down by myself. i really dont wish to blast at the wrong person.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Sigh. it seems like im missing the scent of Cassis Rose from The Body Shop. I sure hope i can find them this coming saturday either from Ion or PS, please let me have a chance to buy 1 bottle before they discontinue the stock? Let's hope it's so popular that it's sold out and not discontinuation of Cassis Rose. PLEASEEEE!! so anyway, 2nd thing for me to lament about today's MCB is really @#$%%@##!!!! i went school earlier to meet up with meiling and zul to mug, needless to say you shld know who is the smartest at the table. meiling and me looked exactly like lost sheeps. lost until dunno like what like that!! and then we went to class and UT-ed. i dont know if i was too anxious but i keyed in the passwords for like 4 bloodytime before i was allowed to proceed with the test i was on the verge of freaking out when my screen constantly showed .. ..
" the password is not valid for the test " when i keyed in so carefully according to the screen. but thank god i managed to get my way through the dumb password security system. i think i'll flop for the ut but it's over so i shall not be so obsessed with it.

Ps: me so can't wait for Paranormal Activity!! :)

Saturday, November 7, 2009

just got back from the exam.
it just wasnt good and wasn't what i'd expected it to be. the style was quite different from the past 10 sets of papers that i've done. i felt like a complete failure while i was doing the paper. i struggled quite badly which i don't know why. did i really not put enough effort for this exam or did trinity increased the standard a little too much this year? sigh. whatever it is it's pointless to know now anyway.

i dont wish to list down what went wrong because i feel depressed enough right now.

Friday, November 6, 2009

HOKAY! ladies and gentleman. tomorrow will be the exam and it's also DADDY'S BIRTHDAYY!!! i've not get any present for him yet though. maybe after the goddamn exam tomorrow. anyway px will do her best tomorrow, wish me luck!! :)

i think it might be.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Today wasnt the best of days for me yesterday too actually. i met up with yurong yesterday and she was quite upset due to some ass which i shan't mention names here. i was extremely pissed off with him treating her like that, where is the respect? is this how you treat people? and she's a sensitive girl for god's sake! and i had enough of my psycology faci who happened to act as if he was PMSing for the whole damn day. so after school as usual i ate my banmian with lots of chili padi due to the screwed up day but i wasnt so lucky this time i had bad stomach ache when i went home. i went to sleep at 8pm sharp skipping dinner. yes it's SUPER EARLY for me i broke my own record too. guess the pain and fatigue was too much for me to handle.

this morning lesson was the last for theory and saturday's my exam i've to report 9am sharp. all i want to say is that miss ho didnt give good comments, she said things which made me feel like utter rubbish and i felt like i've wasted all my effort. i doubt my abilities upon her nasty criticism, i would have lied if i say i wasnt affected much. all in all i just hope whatever that i'm lacking in for my exam hopefully with my last minute revision i'm able to clear this final round. it is very stressful for me because i loathe theory very extremely much trust me.
anyway during my revision of theory just now i took a quick break to unwind and had some sudden inspiration so below was what i penned down..


Happily Ever After

There the look upon his face,
i smiled i reminisced and i counted the days
what happened at the beginning was nobody at fault,
roses were red then skies were exceptionally blue
the feelings we had for each other,
you promised me that they were true

i wished for a happy ending just like the way fairytales do
but you didn't wanted it that way so i did what i had to do,
we sat at the coffee table the night sky drowned my sin
give me a chance to say sorry before i take you in

at the last few moments of your dying grace
i hope you remembered what i'd promised you
i swore that our love won't go to waste

so as i dragged you up to my room
planted my last kiss on your lips lest you forget me soon,
i said a slient prayer to help ease your pain
very soon i know things will never be the same

we'll be happily ever after for as long as i live
you know i loved you and i always did
although you are now cold, stiff and hard
but don't worry as nothing can ever break us apart.